Finding my way . . . 2013

I have not made an entry in this blog since I left Visitation Monastery last January 7 - and now it is October. So there is a gap of some 10 months. How do I bridge from where I was then - at Visitation Monastery - and where I am now, with the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary in Monroe, Michigan?

I will try to make a bridge that will fill in the gap. But journeys are not always simple, as you will see.

When I left Visitation in Minneapolis, I went first to California where I celebrated my 75th birthday with my family. Then home to Forks, WA in February to settle back into my home of nearly 40 years, where I stayed, for the most part for the next several months, giving myself time to assess and own all that has been happening to me these past two years.

I knew that my Visitation experience was necessarily time-limited. I was there for the 6 (to 12) month Monastic Immersion Experience - which I encourage others to check out! It was an amazing, life-giving, and life-changing experience. I will never be the same, and I'm grateful for the gifts which I took with me when I moved on - gifts of prayer, community, and a vision of Gospel living which I will continue to try to implement wherever I am.

I knew when I went there, that I would go from there to pursue a relationship with the IHM Sisters.

Mass at Visitation Monastery 2012 

Preparing for Jubilee Mass at IHM Motherhouse 2012

The IHM sisters are an apostolic congregation - famous for their high level of education, for their work as educators and for their leadership in implementing Vatican II in religious life. Their lives were very different from the monastic Sisters of Visitation. They taught school, worked in college ministry, were professors in universities - too many ministries to even try to summarize.

Forks High School
as it was when I taught there.

When Don and I moved to Forks in 1974, it was with a clear sense that God was calling us there. This is where I finished raising my kids and where I taught for 27 years at Forks High School.  My students and colleagues at QVSD are my lifetime friends, as are my fellow parishioners at at St. Anne's Parish where I have lived nearly all of my Catholic life. I needed time to enjoy being in Forks and to make preparations for what was to come. I have never before ever considered a life not based in Forks.

In June I traveled with my daughter-in-law Mary to Monroe, Michigan to begin a new life with the IHM Sisters. I had discovered that I really would like to be a religious Sister, a nun, but I am too old to be accepted for profession. However, I am becoming an Associate member of the IHM congregation. I have been here nearly four months now, and I love my life. I live across the parking lot from the IHM Mother House in a facility called Norman Towers.

It used to be called the Hall of the Divine Child (more familiarly, "the Hall"  back in the day when it was a military school for elementary school boys). Most of the older Sisters lived here in summers when they were "home" from their missions. Now it is a retirement residence. I have a two room apartment here, which I have made my home. My room is on the third floor in the southwest corner - hidden behind the evergreen tree to the left.

I go every morning to mass at the Motherhouse. I take most of my meals with the Sisters in their dining commons. I do some volunteer work in the house - mostly reading to Sisters who have failing vision. I participate in retreats, attend concerts in the chapel, and generally share life with the retired Sisters who live there. And I have friendships with some of the Sisters who are still active. Several of them live in Norman Towers where I live. I am taking a turn at Norman Towers leading Sunday communion services for those unable to get out to church.

When people ask me why I am here, I am almost at a loss to know how to answer. I always knew what my calling was - I was called to marriage, to motherhood, to a career as a teacher, to live in Forks, Washington. But after Don died in March of 2009, I began to have a longing to a different sort of life - a life that was focused, prayerful, sacramental. I wanted to live among religious Sisters and share their lives, even if I couldn't be a Sister myself.

When I visited the Monroe IHM campus for the first time it was to attend a conference of folks involved in the "A Nuns' Life Ministry," an online ministry helping people to discern the call of God in their lives in a very broad sense. I had begun volunteering with this ministry after I closed down my educational consulting business. I have had a great interest in how to build and maintain online communities since getting involved in the Virtual High School toward the end of my 30 years of teaching, so working with an online community of folks interested in prayer, spirituality, and religious life was a real joy for me.

But in coming here, I began to recognize a real hunger for the life I saw here . . . and I began to discern with others here - and with my spiritual director - what might be still possible for me at this point in my life. I was grateful to be invited to the Monastic Immersion Experience at Visitation along my way, because I was seeking a life of deeper prayer and meaningful community.

So now I am in Monroe, MI. I'm just completing the formation process for becoming an Associate member of the IHM congregation - my family will be coming in December to celebrate that event with me - which means more to me than they can possibly know.

So, having provided at least this fragment of a bridge, perhaps I can begin to share the bits and pieces of my life here that I find so very rich . . .

Come with me.  I'd like to share this journey with you . . .

To love that well which thou must leave 'ere long . . .

When I was in high school, I kept a notebook where I copied my favorite poems. This is the first one in the book - Shakespeare's Sonnet 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold 

When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang

Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,

Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.

In me thou see'st the twilight of such day

As after sunset fadeth in the west;

Which by and by black night doth take away,

Death's second self, that seals all up in rest.

In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,

That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,

As the deathbed whereon it must expire,

Consumed with that which it was nourished by.

This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,

To love that well which thou must leave ere long. 

I love the whole poem - and came to understand it over time as a set of three images having to do with old age and dying . . . but that last couplet spoke to me then and has always spoken to me most powerfully of what it means to invest ourselves in what must necessarily be temporary.

This thou perceiv'st, (that life is short - and even the objects of one's love change and decline toward death) which makes thy love more strong, To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

I knew nothing of detachment  in those days - when you are young, life is all about attachment, not detachment. When you are older you learn - or should be learning - to hold loosely what you love, knowing that everything in this life is temporary - except love.

I knew when I came here to Visitation Monastery in North Minneapolis that I would love life here, and that I would come to love the people here - but that my stay here would be temporary. That's built into the "monastic immersion experience." It's a temporary commitment to live the monastic rhythms for six months to a year - and my situation dictated six months.

It was only the beginning of Advent when I wrote my last blog - and Christmas came and went so swiftly that I never did update it. And the end of my six months came only days later. I left on January 5th and am now visiting my family in California and celebrating, this weekend, my 75th birthday. I'll be back in Forks, Washington by the end of the month - and what happens next remains to be seen.

But I do want to revisit Advent and Christmas at the monastery - and reflect on the process of my leaving there - before memory fades. It's looking carefully at what we love and fully appreciating it that makes our love grow to be "more strong," I think.

Advent - Preparing for Christmas

I spent a lot of time thinking about how I wanted to express what I was feeling about Advent in dressing our little altar of reposition at the Girard House. The tabernacle is a beautiful wooden box. The candle screen, when used, is generally placed behind it. But I was still thinking of the phrase, bright darkness, and I wanted the altar to express that. 

Someone at the monastery protested, but Jesus is hidden behind the candlelight! My response was, Yes! It is Advent: a time of pregnancy, when the incarnation is still hidden from us , but the radiance of what is held in Mary's womb, in that living tabernacle, can be recognized, as it was by the child in Elizabeth's womb. The ivy and evergreens flanking the tabernacle behind the screen speak of the life within.

So during Advent, we awaited the bursting open of history that happened in the birth of the Christchild. I used the lines from Hopkin's poem, "There lives the dearest freshness deep down things . . . " in a card on the nearby shelf to remind myself and others of what is held in this bright darkness. 

I visited the chapel frequently during Advent - I knew that the time of waiting was for me also a time of finishing up - of gathering together what I had been given in this time at the monastery. I knew that something new had been born in me that would need nurture and care in time to come. 

Advent Events at Visitation Monastery

There are a multitude of annual events at Visitation as the Sisters and the neighborhood prepare for Christmas. One of the most popular of these is the Christmas Store! Patrons of the monastery donate wonderful gifts - mostly new and unused gift items - appropriate for moms, dads, and grandparents. The children of the neighborhood get invitations to come and go Christmas shopping with Visitation helpers - a store where there are wonderful gifts and no cash-register at the check-out: everything is free. Parents are not allowed to accompany the children, because Christmas shopping requires privacy! Young adults from the neighborhood or Visitation Academy helped each child to find just the right gifts from those on display. 

This little girl has just completed her shopping
and she's delighted with her choices.

After selecting gifts, helpers assist the children with
wrapping them. 

Happy shoppers head home with their wrapped gifts.

Another event at the monastery had to do with providing Christmas gifts for families in the neighborhood. Donations of toys, clothing, household goods, etc. were dropped off by friends of the monastery. Families had signed up not long after Thanksgiving, giving names and ages of their children. Helpers from the neighborhood and the suburbs came to help fill bags for each family. And what was left over was sent to other ministries in the neighborhood for further distribution

A Santa party was held at the monastery for children of the neighborhood. The house was filled with children and moms and dads - and teenage helpers. Santa led some Christmas carols, and Sister Karen (helped by two tall elves in blue) read the story of the Nativity. Afterwards, each family was invited into the chapel for a little prayer service - and then the children met with Santa in the dining room where each received a Christmas stocking.

It was a blessed evening. Such beautiful children and beautiful young adults.

So much joy! So much loveliness.

And there was so much more in those four weeks to Christmas - two evenings where Visitation helpers took neighborhood children downtown on the bus to see Minneapolis's traditional "Holidazzle Parade  and came back to the monastery afterward for hot chocolate and cookies! 

There were quieter times like the evening when the Sisters all attended a penance service at the Basilica - and a trip to the Free Trade Market one Sunday after mass for a little Christmas shopping for me. 

Somehow with all the activity, each time, when the event concluded, a quick clean-up followed, and peace, order, and quiet were quickly restored. 

Living Salesian Spirituality

I was amazed at the quality of life and relationships within the house - between the Sisters themselves, the friends of the monastery, the neighbors, and all the folk who came asking for various kinds of help. This truly is a place of "rest and delight" - the words written on the wall of the first Visitation Monastery by founder St. Jane de Chantal some 400 years ago. And it has to do with living the simple, gentle teachings of St. Jane and St. Frances de Sales. 

I spent the whole six months there studying and soaking up that way of living. It's basic Christianity, but presented in such an appealing and accessible manner. In my next blog, I will spend time trying to outline it for myself and for those who follow me here. For now, I will just say that it is that which has so captured my imagination and my heart. I have already left Minneapolis, but I will never leave that vision of how to live the Gospel. 

I wondered how I would be able to bear leaving this place . . . but I find that the gentleness I have lived in has equipped me to "love that well" which I knew would be temporary. And I have been so well-loved here that I can take what has been given with me. 

After Morning Prayer - every day - the Sisters meet in a little circle in the hall between the chapel and the living room. They bow to one another and say in unison, God be praised! Good morning, dear Sisters! And then the day begins.

So I say today from California: 

God be praised! 

Thank you, dear Sisters, for sharing with me your charism of "living Jesus." 

Thank you for sharing your life with me these past six months. Thank you for teaching me your way of living Jesus. 

I will never forget you.

I will always try to share your Salesian spirituality with everyone I meet and to live it myself every day.

St. Frances de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal by artist Brother Mickey McGrath. Click on the image to go to Bee Still Studio  where his art is displayed.