Life and Death in North Minneapolis with Visitation Sisters and their Friends

I went to a funeral on a Saturday in mid-September, a funeral for a little baby who lived only one hour. His name was Xavier-Jean.

Xavi-Jean was the son of Melissa and Francois, dear friends of the Visitation Sisters. They shared their journey with us through this difficult pregnancy and the joy and sorrow of parenting a baby they knew would not live to grow up. They learned mid-way through the pregnancy that the baby had very serious challenges, only a 5% chance to be born alive, and no chance to live more than a brief time. He lived for exactly one hour.

There's a lot in the news about what it means to be pro-life or pro-choice -- all the political squabbling about the degree to which government has an interest in interfering with these things. That all became so unimportant as we shared with Melissa and Francois their process of decision-making.

They were fortunate to have found expert, wonderful counseling for parents who are faced with this sort of challenge. They decided to parent this child, love him to the fullest extent for as long as he lived. He grew and kicked and wriggled and had numerous ultra-sound pictures taken along the way. They chose a name for him. They planned his birth at the same time as they planned his funeral. Xavi's two older sisters, Gabby, 12, and Maggie, 2 patted their mother's belly and listened to what was happening within her. They knew their little brother would be here only briefly, though one can only guess what that means to a two-year old. Melissa remained radiant even in her deep grief.

It was terrible and awesome to see.

The whole community here - the sisters, the Visitation Companions (their lay associates), the parish community of Ascension Church, and Melissa's wonderful group of women friends (four of whom also functioned as doulas) gathered around them to support them.

This was the day the whole church moved out to the garden to share as Father Michael anointed Melissa, Francois, and their children as they dealt with the news that the baby she was carrying was seriously compromised.

The longer that birth could be delayed, the greater chance for him to be born alive, and that became an overriding consideration. He got to about 7 months, when it became necessary to deliver him by caesarean section.

We got the word that the surgery was set for early morning. Sister Mary Margaret and Brian Mogren (director of St. Jane House, our spirituality center) had been asked to stand by in readiness to baptize him.

Baby Xavi was born alive at 8:03 AM on Thursday, Sept. 13. He lived exactly one hour and died at 9:03 AM. In that hour, he was baptized and anointed priest, prophet, and king. He was held in tender love by his parents and sisters, godparents, and friends . . . he was loved and cherished every moment of his existence.

His funeral on Saturday was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had of living Eucharist. Melissa's father and brothers had constructed his tiny casket of white pine. Francois and Fabio, his godfather, carried it down the aisle to a table in front of the altar where pictures of him and special momentos including the tiny garments he had been clothed in awaited it; the tiny casket was covered in a pall which was a beautiful old crocheted shawl made by a parishioner long ago.

The service was beautiful - conducted jointly by the pastor of Ascension, Fr. Michael, and Patty, the parish administrator. At the offertory, the children present carried flowers down the aisle and placed them in a vase near the casket.

Afterward, we all went to a cemetery not far away, and he was buried in a special section for babies and small children. A monument in that section of the cemetery featured a scripture from Luke: "Let the children come to me . . . for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.

And then we went back to the parish school to share a meal . . .

And I thought, truly, our days are as grass . . . and what, in the light of eternity, is the difference between a life of one hour and a life of 90 years? We are born to be loved . . . and to live forever in the presence of God. So Xavi-Jean's life was complete.

And now his parents and family are left to grieve that he was with them so briefly. But what a beautiful testimony to LIFE. What an evidence of how to live in HOLINESS.

I will never forget this day.

Melissa is part of the Centering Prayer group that gathers at St. Jane House on Tuesday mornings. This little display of pictures was up on the Tuesday following Xavi's funeral to share the story with her friends in that group.

I have asked permission of Melissa to share this story - and these pictures. I didn't take any of them. To bring my camera into this holy space seemed not appropriate to me. I have deliberately omitted last names. I'm not sure why.