To love that well which thou must leave 'ere long . . .

When I was in high school, I kept a notebook where I copied my favorite poems. This is the first one in the book - Shakespeare's Sonnet 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold 

When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang

Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,

Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.

In me thou see'st the twilight of such day

As after sunset fadeth in the west;

Which by and by black night doth take away,

Death's second self, that seals all up in rest.

In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,

That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,

As the deathbed whereon it must expire,

Consumed with that which it was nourished by.

This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,

To love that well which thou must leave ere long. 

I love the whole poem - and came to understand it over time as a set of three images having to do with old age and dying . . . but that last couplet spoke to me then and has always spoken to me most powerfully of what it means to invest ourselves in what must necessarily be temporary.

This thou perceiv'st, (that life is short - and even the objects of one's love change and decline toward death) which makes thy love more strong, To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

I knew nothing of detachment  in those days - when you are young, life is all about attachment, not detachment. When you are older you learn - or should be learning - to hold loosely what you love, knowing that everything in this life is temporary - except love.

I knew when I came here to Visitation Monastery in North Minneapolis that I would love life here, and that I would come to love the people here - but that my stay here would be temporary. That's built into the "monastic immersion experience." It's a temporary commitment to live the monastic rhythms for six months to a year - and my situation dictated six months.

It was only the beginning of Advent when I wrote my last blog - and Christmas came and went so swiftly that I never did update it. And the end of my six months came only days later. I left on January 5th and am now visiting my family in California and celebrating, this weekend, my 75th birthday. I'll be back in Forks, Washington by the end of the month - and what happens next remains to be seen.

But I do want to revisit Advent and Christmas at the monastery - and reflect on the process of my leaving there - before memory fades. It's looking carefully at what we love and fully appreciating it that makes our love grow to be "more strong," I think.

Advent - Preparing for Christmas

I spent a lot of time thinking about how I wanted to express what I was feeling about Advent in dressing our little altar of reposition at the Girard House. The tabernacle is a beautiful wooden box. The candle screen, when used, is generally placed behind it. But I was still thinking of the phrase, bright darkness, and I wanted the altar to express that. 

Someone at the monastery protested, but Jesus is hidden behind the candlelight! My response was, Yes! It is Advent: a time of pregnancy, when the incarnation is still hidden from us , but the radiance of what is held in Mary's womb, in that living tabernacle, can be recognized, as it was by the child in Elizabeth's womb. The ivy and evergreens flanking the tabernacle behind the screen speak of the life within.

So during Advent, we awaited the bursting open of history that happened in the birth of the Christchild. I used the lines from Hopkin's poem, "There lives the dearest freshness deep down things . . . " in a card on the nearby shelf to remind myself and others of what is held in this bright darkness. 

I visited the chapel frequently during Advent - I knew that the time of waiting was for me also a time of finishing up - of gathering together what I had been given in this time at the monastery. I knew that something new had been born in me that would need nurture and care in time to come. 

Advent Events at Visitation Monastery

There are a multitude of annual events at Visitation as the Sisters and the neighborhood prepare for Christmas. One of the most popular of these is the Christmas Store! Patrons of the monastery donate wonderful gifts - mostly new and unused gift items - appropriate for moms, dads, and grandparents. The children of the neighborhood get invitations to come and go Christmas shopping with Visitation helpers - a store where there are wonderful gifts and no cash-register at the check-out: everything is free. Parents are not allowed to accompany the children, because Christmas shopping requires privacy! Young adults from the neighborhood or Visitation Academy helped each child to find just the right gifts from those on display. 

This little girl has just completed her shopping
and she's delighted with her choices.

After selecting gifts, helpers assist the children with
wrapping them. 

Happy shoppers head home with their wrapped gifts.

Another event at the monastery had to do with providing Christmas gifts for families in the neighborhood. Donations of toys, clothing, household goods, etc. were dropped off by friends of the monastery. Families had signed up not long after Thanksgiving, giving names and ages of their children. Helpers from the neighborhood and the suburbs came to help fill bags for each family. And what was left over was sent to other ministries in the neighborhood for further distribution

A Santa party was held at the monastery for children of the neighborhood. The house was filled with children and moms and dads - and teenage helpers. Santa led some Christmas carols, and Sister Karen (helped by two tall elves in blue) read the story of the Nativity. Afterwards, each family was invited into the chapel for a little prayer service - and then the children met with Santa in the dining room where each received a Christmas stocking.

It was a blessed evening. Such beautiful children and beautiful young adults.

So much joy! So much loveliness.

And there was so much more in those four weeks to Christmas - two evenings where Visitation helpers took neighborhood children downtown on the bus to see Minneapolis's traditional "Holidazzle Parade  and came back to the monastery afterward for hot chocolate and cookies! 

There were quieter times like the evening when the Sisters all attended a penance service at the Basilica - and a trip to the Free Trade Market one Sunday after mass for a little Christmas shopping for me. 

Somehow with all the activity, each time, when the event concluded, a quick clean-up followed, and peace, order, and quiet were quickly restored. 

Living Salesian Spirituality

I was amazed at the quality of life and relationships within the house - between the Sisters themselves, the friends of the monastery, the neighbors, and all the folk who came asking for various kinds of help. This truly is a place of "rest and delight" - the words written on the wall of the first Visitation Monastery by founder St. Jane de Chantal some 400 years ago. And it has to do with living the simple, gentle teachings of St. Jane and St. Frances de Sales. 

I spent the whole six months there studying and soaking up that way of living. It's basic Christianity, but presented in such an appealing and accessible manner. In my next blog, I will spend time trying to outline it for myself and for those who follow me here. For now, I will just say that it is that which has so captured my imagination and my heart. I have already left Minneapolis, but I will never leave that vision of how to live the Gospel. 

I wondered how I would be able to bear leaving this place . . . but I find that the gentleness I have lived in has equipped me to "love that well" which I knew would be temporary. And I have been so well-loved here that I can take what has been given with me. 

After Morning Prayer - every day - the Sisters meet in a little circle in the hall between the chapel and the living room. They bow to one another and say in unison, God be praised! Good morning, dear Sisters! And then the day begins.

So I say today from California: 

God be praised! 

Thank you, dear Sisters, for sharing with me your charism of "living Jesus." 

Thank you for sharing your life with me these past six months. Thank you for teaching me your way of living Jesus. 

I will never forget you.

I will always try to share your Salesian spirituality with everyone I meet and to live it myself every day.

St. Frances de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal by artist Brother Mickey McGrath. Click on the image to go to Bee Still Studio  where his art is displayed.  

Week 6 at Visitation Monastery in North Minneapolis

People always ask me what I "do" at Visitation Monastery in N. Minneapolis. All I can say is that it really is nothing like I would have thought. I expected a routine of sameness - instead, each day is unique. The monastic rhythm provides a framework for a variety of experiences. In the picture above, taken in my first week here, you see two young boys who joined us for Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament on the first Friday of July. They had come here to work on a service project, banking hours toward their goal of attending summer camp. They came to the chapel for mid-day prayer with us.

There were only the seven sisters, and me - and three young boys (there's another out of shutter's range). They had never participated in this devotion before, but Sister Mary Frances explained to us that they would be joining us for a short visit during our longer one - and explained to them what Adoration is all about. I was impressed by their seriousness and how they entered into the spirit of adoration of Christ present to us in the monstrance.

Afterward they went to the kitchen and had some ice cream - then they stayed for mass when our other friends arrived. They told us how much they had enjoyed camp the year before, and how much they were looking forward to it again. The younger boy in the picture told us about his encounter with Jesus that previous summer at camp. He said, "I always talk to Jesus in my prayers, but he never talked back to me until that time at camp last summer."

Well, summer camp has come and gone - and the boys have come back to tell us it was a wonderful experience again for them. They were here again the other day for a short visit. And yesterday a different group of boys arrived at our back door. They had found a dying squirrel in the alley. They knew they should not touch it but using sticks they had helped it find shelter in a broken cardboard box - and they came to us for solutions. But we didn't have any. Except that we went out and looked (and, sure enough, it was still alive enough to blink at us.) Sr. Katherine called the city's animal control, and they promised to come by to take care of it. We never saw them, but the squirrel did crawl up into our garden to huddle under some shady bushes. (I know. I know. Don would have killed it and put it out of its misery. But neither I nor Sr. Katherine were up to that. And we really didn't want to in front of the boys, anyway!) By evening it was gone. We decided to believe that animal control had found it.


The Visitation Sisters came here to share in the neighborhood as neighbors, in their words, to be a peaceful, prayerful presence in the neighborhood. We are not a social service agency. We do not have the resources to solve the great problems of poverty and social disorder that affect this neighborhood. But we can give a bus token to someone who needs to get to an appointment, maybe a sandwich to carry on the way, or even a paper cup of ice water on a hot day. And our neighbors help us, too - to till the garden, cut the grass, break down a stack of cardboard boxes that came packed with prizes for the Neighborhood Night of Peace so they can be put into the recycle stack. And we can share concern for a dying squirrel with some middle-school aged boys.

A donor gave money to provide a bus and tickets so some of our families could go to Valley Fair. We packed 50 sack lunches, and Sister Mary Frances and Vis Companion Miss Linda went with the families (each group of children had to have one adult family member with them) for a day of fun at the theme park. I was one of those who stayed behind to clean up (and rather glad not to be one of the chaperones - I was never a fan of field trips when I was a school teacher, either!).
  

We pray the Divine Office 4 times a day - 7 AM, 12 Noon, 4:45, and 8:15. Neighbors and friends of the community often join us in the morning, at noon, and in the late afternoon. I love praying the office with the sisters. We pray the office antiphonally - i.e. we are two choirs, taking turns singing/chanting/reading the psalms and prayers.  There are pauses between the psalms when we do some faith-sharing - someone will speak of a person who brought a special need to the door, someone who has asked for prayer. Someone else will share a reflection on the scripture we have just prayed. And then we pray the next psalm, the response, or canticle.

The crucifix which is our center point is decorated for the feast or solemnity or season. The assigned person has selected songs for opening and closing which reflect the theme of the readings.

We don't visit before the end of morning prayer; instead we gather in the hallway outside the chapel afterward, Everyone says together: Praise be to God. Good morning, dear sisters! Then there is a sharing of whatever information is necessary to begin the day - assignments, who has the car checked out out for when, a letter or message which has come in during the evening before, etc. And then everyone goes quietly about their business - fixing one's own breakfast, reading the headlines of the paper, or whatever is necessary for the day. There's not absolute silence during the day, but the house is relatively quiet and very peaceful. When the doorbell rings, someone goes to meet Jesus on the threshold! And that is what happens!

I have never lived in a situation where everything in the day, all conversation, all effort, planning, and the simplest of tasks are all oriented to the same end - to authentically "Live Jesus" (that's the Visitation charism - the overarching idea for one's whole life). I am impressed with these women who have lived together for these past 23 years and who hold each other accountable to the vision and charism of their founders, St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal.


They may not even notice it, but I do - that they quote from their writings in every conversation:

• Be who you are, and be that well.
• Do ordinary things with great love.
• The same everlasting Father who cares of you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
• We are called to a liberty of spirit (something which includes obedience, but which excludes "constraint, scruples, and anxiety.")
• There is nothing so strong as gentleness and nothing so gentle as real strength.

Sounds simple. The sisters here demonstrate that it is possible, as do the Vis Companions who share their spirituality.

I am so loving it; I am so grateful to be able to share this way of living with them. 

More to come . . . We've already had the Neighborhood Night of Peace, the ice cream social for National Night Out, two weddings, two funerals, and "Jazz and Gospel on the Lawn" (a fundraiser for Mary Johnson and her "Death to Life" ministry of forgiveness and healing. Things happen too often for me to keep up!!

Oh, and there was a special experience for me - my commitment ceremony. I wrote about it on the Visitation blog, so will post a link to that here: 

Monastic Immersion Experience - Sinking in!

I have been here at Visitation Monastery in North Minneapolis for three weeks now - and this past Wednesday a little commitment ceremony was held in which I made my promise to live with the community - to live their way - for the next six months. They asked me to write my own statement of commitment.

Since I am the first person to come to Visitation for the Monastic Immersion Program, there was no model or example to follow. I ended up writing several drafts - the process or narrowing down what I wanted to say was surprisingly meaningful to me - and this is what I ended up saying:

• I would like to begin by sharing what has been my favorite scripture for all of my life:

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that have I sought after:

To live all the days of my life in the House of the Lord,

To behold the Beauty of the Lord,

And to inquire in his Temple.

I always wanted to live in the house of God – which I originally associated with finding my right place in the Church – although I see it more broadly now.

Another important thought has resonated in me since my late teens or early 20's – from the existential philosopher Soren Kierkegaard: Purity of heart is this: to desire only one thing. I've spend many decades trying to unwrap what that means.

And it seemed to me that the key to living with singleness of heart, embedded in the House of the Lord, would be to practice what Brother Lawrence taught about the Practice of the Presence of God by continually refocusing my attention on Him. I have tried all my life to do this – and I always wished I could do it within a house of prayer – with others of like mind.

When I came here last summer, I discovered that this is the place my heart has hungered for – a place where everyone lives every moment of every day oriented toward the presence of God - where all the activities and concerns of each day are infused with prayer.

I remember asking Sister Katherine last summer when I first visited here: "What do I not know about you that makes you the way you are?" I know now what it is. It is the way you live these monastic rhythms, the way you have learned to be with each other and with the neighborhood.

That recognition awakened in me a fierce longing to live this way – I believe that longing was God's call to me to leave what I have known and receive the gift I have so long sought.

I am deeply grateful to you for inviting me to share this way of living.

I commit to you that I will try to live out of the spirituality of Saints Francis de Sales and Jane de Chantal. I will cultivate gentleness and quiet within myself. I will enter willingly and eagerly into the rhythm of your common and private prayer. I will try to be observant about what I can do to serve the needs of the community. I will try to set aside my own agendas to work wholeheartedly toward your goals. I will look for Jesus in the faces of the neighbors and friends who come to your houses. I will listen and value what you have to teach me about living this way.

I have a great concern that your presence here shall continue after you. I will do everything I can to tell your story and to encourage others to come see for themselves and to consider whether God is calling them to this unique way of iife. If it is too late for me to join your community, I will look for others who are younger and more able.

The better I know you, the more I love you. And I am so grateful for the love you have shown me.

I will try to make each day of these next six months the fulfillment of that old longing – to live every day – all day – in conscious awareness of the Presence of God in prayer, service, and community. I can't imagine any place where that might be more possible than right here.

I commit myself, with God's help, to share your life in this way.

Then, each of the sisters took one of the specific elements of Salesian spirituality, gave me the "word or phrase from it," and prayed a prayer of blessing for me to obtain that specific quality or virtue. Here are some of those words of blessing:


Sister Mary Frances chose the word Hope. Sister Mary Virginia word was Interiority . . . (and she said we'd talk about its meaning in one of our conferences soon.) Sister Katherine said she chose, "We are companions on the journey." She added that she chose that because "I feel that you already carry so many of our Salesian words are already  in your Salesian heart and it was appropriate to acknowledge that, by saying, "Let us walk together, encouraging each other on this journey."

Sister Suzanne chose Salesian simplicity: ". . . something i pray for you to really delve into while you are on this phase of your journey. I know you have greatly had to simplify your life in order to even come here for the 6 months immersion...no easy task. i greatly appreciate how you have done that and how you have/are managing to do all you do and keep all your materials and computer stuff in the third floor suite at Girard."

Sister Mary Margaret was not able to be there for the ceremony - but later told me her word of counsel for me was Optimism - and she reached up and traced the sign of the cross on my forehead as she said it.

So with those words, I am expressly admitted to the community - for these six months. I am embraced by lovingkindness. It was a deeply meaningful experience. I was surprised. I didn't expect it to be so moving. The next day I was still resonating with it, so I went out onto the back porch for some time for reflection. I looked up into the sky - and took the picture which is at the top of this post - this is a place which fosters contemplation.

So what is this Salesian spirituality that underlies Visitation life? I have known bits and pieces of it from the past: the phrase "it's easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar" is extrapolated from the writings of St. Frances de Sales. He is sometimes called the Saint of Common Sense because what he taught is within the grasp of any sincere Christian: to live gently, trust the mercy of God, seek the presence of God within ordinary life, and let that gentleness extend to oneself as well as to others. Radical teaching - especially given the time period (17th Century, when Luther was roaring, Calvin was fulminating and the Catholic Church was anathematizing everything Protestant.

Years ago I kept this quotation under the glass on my desk at school: "There is nothing so strong as gentleness, and there is nothing so gentle as real strength." I didn't know they were the words of Frances de Sales.

For all their gentleness, the Visitation sisters aren't easy on themselves - they don't live the kind of austerity and perform the penitential practices that were common in in religious life in the era of Francis and Jane. Instead they practice an interior austerity where they internalize the teaching of their founders. Their practice of Holy Poverty is so complete that they own nothing at all individually. The large crosses which they have worn these 400 years are exchanged yearly so that there is no attachment even to this religious symbol - and they trade their bedrooms every year - also in imitation of the Lord who had no place to lay his head.


Everything that happens all day is immersed in love - and failures in charity are dealt with simply and gently by returning to the intention to "live Jesus."


One of my favorite quotes from Francis is this: If you happen to do something you regret, be neither astonished nor upset, but having acknowledged your failing, humble yourself quietly before God and try to regain your gentle composure. Say to yourself, "There, we have made a  mistake, but let's go on now and be more careful." Wow!


 A young married man who lives next door was given a booklet of quotes from Frances de Sales. He grew up in a a religious home, but has rejected his childhood faith in adulthood. After reading Francis, he came to one of the sisters and told her - his eyes filled with tears - "I never heard of a God like this one . . . "



In spite of the monastic "routine," every day is different because every day brings new people, new needs, new insights, new tasks to do. I have just come from Fremont House where neighbors are gathering to leaflet the neighborhood with posters advertising the "Neighborhood Night of Peace," coming up on August 1st. About 500 people are expected at Ascension Parish for this night of wholesome fun and neighborliness: there will be food, games, prizes, and sharing life. The event is co-sponsored by Christian churches and the neighborhood Mosque. This video shows what I expect to happen Wednesday night:  I saw that video last year - and that was one reason I came here - to see for myself.

In the middle of the day a woman came looking for help. She and her family have just moved here from St. Paul. She and her four daughters have been the victims of violence in their previous home - they were robbed at gunpoint. The oldest daughter was raped savagely and sustained injuries which will prevent her from ever having children. The perpetrator has been tried and is awaiting sentence of 36-50 years in prison. But the daughter couldn't endure living in that neighborhood any more. So they are getting settled here - and they need "everything." So the sisters found some hygiene kits left from camp - toothbrushes, combs, soap, shampoo, etc. and are helping them find other resources.

Today two young women worked most of the day at Girard House, helping the sisters  with cleaning and preparing for the big doings on the 1st. There were stacks of blue special-event T-shirts that needed to be folded and stacked by size. They came over to Fremont and joined us for Evening Prayer at 4:45.

Two small boys, 8 or 9, showed up, too. They sat on little stools, held the prayer books and hymnals, and at time for petitions, they asked prayer for a relative, Charles, who is in jail. They clearly understood little of what they heard - but they like to come and be here with the sisters. Sometimes they get treats. Sometimes they help out - I think they swept the back porch today.  I think they really come because they know they are loved.

So I am back at Girard House now (I delivered lemonade to be served by the leafleteers when they return from their task). And in a few minutes, I'll join Sister Mary Frances in the kitchen and we'll chop up vegetables for tonight's stir-fry dinner.  So stir-fry veggies and chicken for dinner tonight. We're having a guest for dinner - a judge who presides in juvenile court - an old friend of all the sisters. And after dinner, time for a visit.


And then we'll come upstairs here at Girard for Night Prayer (Compline) in the little chapel. (Which is now my charge. That means it's my responsibility to keep it clean and tidy and to change the decor from time to time.)






I was pleased to see that outside the chapel there is a little holy water font and a plate that reads "Peace to All Who Enter Here." It is identical to the one that is part of my door-knocker at home in Forks - the one that has been on my door for 38 years this month. It was a welcome sight - sort of bringing together two parts of my life.

Tomorrow is Sunday. We'll have Morning Prayer at 8:30 rather than at 7 AM. And then we'll go to the local parish for mass. Then we'll see what comes next.

We're having fish for dinner. We went to Pearl Lake on Thursday (the monastery's weekly "shut down day." We visited friends of the sisters who have a cabin on the lake - and we went out in a pontoon boat and fished for "sunnies," beautiful little fish with yellow and blue markings. It was the first time in years that I'd fished - and a very different kind of fishing than I am used to, indeed. It was the first time ever for Sisters Mary Frances and Mary Virginia. Mary Frances caught seven! I think we caught about 20 in all that afternoon. So tomorrow we'll eat 'em up!

So this is my attempt to share what it feels like to be "immersed" in monastic life! If I were younger, I'd ask to stay forever. And for now, I'll just live it one day at a time.